Whit at 31
Another year around the sun. Another year of learning and growth, of morning coffee runs and evenings binging Love Island, of phone calls with old friends and new friends, of long podcast walks and wine on the patio and handwritten cards. Another year making memories with the people I love and dreaming up plans for the future.
Self Love
One of the greatest gifts my 31st year (the math is very confusing for me but apparently I’m now entering my 32nd year? idk) brought me was the start of a lifelong journey to self love. In January of this year — after coming to the realization that I was struggling in dating — I started working with a dating coach. I could see myself from the outside engaging in behavior I knew was mildly self destructive, entertaining relationships I knew were unhealthy, repeating bad patterns, and dealing with a jumble of scary and confusing feelings. I desperately wanted to love and be loved in return, and my amazing coach (turned real-life friend), Clara, was the one to set me on a path of learning to love, accept, and lean further into myself. I remember during our time working together I once asked “wait....so is, like, the whole secret to life just being authentically yourself?” Cue the lightbulb moment. It’s hard work and scary work and, oftentimes, overwhelming to try and believe I am enough. And the best and worst part is that the work never stops. I spent eight months working with my dear Clara, and now I’ve added therapy into my weekly routine. It’s not an exaggeration to say it’s been life changing to learn more about myself and to see myself a little bit more clearly and with a little more kindness.
Love
My 31st year also brought me the love of a very special man, the kind of connection I had been searching for. On a cold and wet night in February we shared cocktails and appetizers under a tent, with a portable heater and dancing hearts keeping us warm. He walked me home in the rain, and kissed me outside my building. Since that night we have traveled together, met each other’s families, cooked meals, climbed mountains, played countless dice games, learned how to share the covers (kind of), had amazing days, had really tough days, laughed and cried a million times over, and grown in love each day that passes. I usually refer to him as “my love” but also as “my partner” because that’s what he is and what I strive to be in return. Together we’re working on unlocking a new kind of relationship for us — the kind where we are each our whole selves, where we don’t shy away from scary things or bury our feelings, where we have the hard conversations in order to get to a place of true intimacy. We’re both learning to navigate the other’s rough and smooth edges, probing deeper into our relationship and each other, and marveling at the beautiful ways we fit together (and what we can learn from the ways we don’t). It is both deeply gratifying and also really, really hard to do this type of soul-baring, but we remind each other that we are brave and we can do this.
Travel + Adventure
This past year also brought a new understanding and appreciation of travel. Gone were the days of jetting off to far off foreign countries. Instead, I redefined what travel could look and feel like. I had a pretty warped perspective that *~travel~* only meant leaving the US. I chose to overlook and ignore all the places that were right at my fingertips in favor of locations that felt more cool and Instagram worthy. I learned to see the beauty of my own backyard, swapping in the passenger seat of a car for the window seat of an airplane. I still jetted off to cool places like California, Wyoming, and Puerto Rico...but I also went camping and hiking, swam in watering holes and went rock climbing, took road trips across Virginia and up the eastern coast. Adventure felt less like doing it for the ‘gram and more like doing it for me — an admittedly hard line to pinpoint sometimes. I remember over the summer seeing (what felt like) every single person I knew posting photos from Greece, and starting to feel a sense of urgency that I needed to be there as well. I sat with that feeling until I realized I didn’t actually want to be there. I was happy to be here. And that was okay.
Leaning In
Hand-in-hand with the concept of self love is this new concept for me of leaning into what feels good without fear or shame (much easier said than done). This year I have tried to be kind and patient with myself as I explored what brings me genuine joy, and as I say “yes” to things that make me happy and “no” to things that don’t. One way this has manifested itself is Custom Itinerary Curation. I’ve expressed this to some friends recently, but it almost feels embarrassing to talk about this new endeavor because I worry it seems silly and frivolous (clearly projecting here) and also because I don’t know where this idea will go. But, what I do know is that I love research and planning, I love making people feel special, and I love curating meaningful and beautiful experiences. I have to remind myself that it’s okay to enjoy these things, and it’s okay to lean into that feeling. Guys, it’s a journey...but I’m trying!
